Someone Blaming You for Their Mistakes? Try 4 Simple Steps

What’s the best way to respond when someone (a coworker, boss, or family member) blames you for consequences of choices that they made?

—“Sick and tired of the blame game”

Your question is a good one—but it’s also extremely complex and involves a lot of nuance. There’s no “one size fits all” answer, as much will depend on various factors, such as:

• your relationship with the other person;
• if this is a “one-off” or a repeated occurrence;
• the root cause for their blaming you;
• the amount of shared responsibility for the difficult situation;
• the limitations of the other person
• your short and long-term goals, both in the situation and in dealing with the person

All of these factors should influence how you respond, but it’s that last one that’s most important, namely:

What are my goals here?

That question is important because emotional intelligence is all about using your understanding and ability to manage emotions to reach those goals.